Under The Moon
by In Darkness Is Light
Summary: The two walked, singlefile, under the moon, deep in thought about the other. In the darkness, all becomes clear. [KaiHilary if you squint]
1. Understanding: Kai's POV

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except this story!

I'm not cold. I'm not emotionless. I'm not stupid. I'm not wise. I'm not anything and most of all; I'm not what you make me out to be. Being alone makes me feel safe, something I don't usually feel. I like solitude, and if that makes me seem suspect, then so be it.

You knew that. That's why I felt better around you. The others all had a problem with me. Tyson and Max always tried to cheer me up and change me, and if that didn't work, then they just made fun of my solitude and mistook it for rudeness. Ray was a bit calmer, but I could see his eyes clouded with confusion every time he looked at me. He always tried to understand everything about everyone, he hated surprises. Kenny was always scared of me, afraid he'd get in my way and I'd hurt him. He was a coward.

I admit, their attitudes towards me made me feel a bit hurt. Yes, I had had a past that no one should go through, but I couldn't keep looking back and judging myself for something I had no control over, and neither could they. But they did. They were always scared of who I really was. They didn't know. Was I their friend who just liked solitude? Or was I some bastard who would sell them out one day to BioVolt? Or maybe, just maybe, I was the one who was evil. Thinking about it, I laughed wryly. They didn't trust me, not enough to trust that I was their friend.

I know that most people express how much they care about their friends but I'd never been the expressing type. It wasn't that I didn't know how to express it. Of course I did. I wasn't unfeeling and insensitive. I did have my emotions suppressed for some time, but that was a while ago. I could feel freely now. I guess I never expressed myself to them because of the fact that they didn't trust me, and they never would. If I would have gone to them and smiled and told them how much their friendship meant to me, they'd have thought I'd gone off the deep end. The fact that they didn't fully trust me only further expanded my lack of trust in people. If they didn't trust me, my own best friends, then who would?

But she did. She was skeptical at first, like the others. I didn't blame her. I hadn't exactly given her the warmest welcome. It was only because I thought she was like every other girl. I had pre-conceived notions about who she was. She struck me as the girly type who would be our biggest fan and chase us around trying to kiss us or something. However, she had proved me wrong. She had turned out to be strong and one of the tougher members of our team. She was stubborn and wasn't afraid to put us in our place. I suspect she had even made some of the guys trust me more. For that, I was grateful for her. She knew I cherished the friendship of her and the others, and she never made me prove it. It was just little actions I did such as protecting them, or sacrificing myself for the benefit of the team that she acknowledged as signs of our friendship.

Most of the signs of friendship would turn out to be detrimental to my physical or mental health, but it didn't really matter to me. I didn't like it when I saw the pained and concerned expression on her face every time I did something risky, which is why I never looked at her. I knew that if I did, I would become fixated on that expression of hers and begin to lose focus on the battle I was fighting with my opponent. I knew that if I looked at her, the battle would turn to one against myself. I knew I would make myself choose between going to comfort her and telling her not to worry, or fighting even stronger with my opponent. I knew which one I would choose anyway. I would have willed myself to look away and continue fighting, defeating my opponent, making her pained expression turn to one of joy, when she'd realize that I'd won.

Whenever she was put in danger because of us, I felt my heart race and my mind become slightly frantic with worry. I figured it wasn't just me who felt this. All the guys probably did because she was a girl. While that was a good reason to worry, for me it wasn't just because she was a girl. I would be worried because she was one of my only friends that trusted me. If I lost her, I'd lose something valuable to me. Something irreplaceable. Sure, if I really tried I could find people that better suited my personality, but I didn't want better. What I had was pretty damn good, and I couldn't complain.

Yes, that was what she was to me, a friend. I suppose that if we became better friends and were older, I would feel some sort of attraction to her, but for now, we were just friends. Many of the guys would try and tease me when I was around, especially after Kenny had told them I had saved her from an avalanche. That stupid computer geek. What was I supposed to have done? Let her die by getting hit with massive rocks? I had agreed to come with them for the sole reason that they needed protection. Every one knew they did and yet, only I had volunteered for it. Fuck. That must mean I thought something more of her. No, I didn't, the guys were just idiots who loved to tease me. Whenever they did, I would calmly direct the conversation to Tyson's obvious crush on her, or perhaps Ray's crush on Salima and Mariah, or maybe to Max and his crush on Mariam. Kenny was the sole cause of the teasing, though he never joined in. I didn't need to mock him or the others though; I knew that she was just a friend, at least for now.

She would also probably always remain as such, seeing as I wasn't going to say anything to her, even if later on I would develop an attraction to her. Friendship was more important to me than a stupid dating relationship anyway. I knew she felt the same way. She was a friend to the guys and while they weren't exactly immature, she had a way of seeming more intelligent and mature than them.

And maybe, that wasn't really what drew me to her. Maybe, it was that she seemed to understand me more. All my life, up until a couple of years ago, I had lived in darkness, my only protector. Of course, I don't mean that literally. I still saw the sun just like everyone else, but I was hiding, never really revealing who I was. I suppose I still don't really show who I am, but if I can form friendships, well, that's a pretty big thing.

Nevertheless, she saw through my disguise, the first person to ever even come close to understanding who I was and what I was about. And for her to see through me, to be able to know how I really felt, meant more to me then anything. I guess what I'm trying to say is that she means so much to me because she understands. Even though I never really told her about how good it made me feel to have her as a friend, even though I never really paid much attention to her, I figured it didn't really matter.

Because, I know, she understood.


	2. Moon Walking: Hil's POV

Disclaimer: I own nothing but this story!

Trying to keep up with you is impossible. You leave me physically and emotionally exhausted. You run like the wind, and your emotions expressed are just as fleeting.

I chase after you once again tonight, following you in silent footsteps. Walking through the park I know you sense me, you can tell that I am there but still you walk and don't turn back.

Some nights like this, I just want to scream out "I know you can see me!" but I know I shouldn't. The silence here is too thick and pleasant to be broken.

You always come out at night, and when I'm not too tired, I follow you wherever you go. I'm not even sure why, just something about you intrigues me. You're always the quiet one, yet you're like our silent protector. It's as if you feel the need to be there, watching us, making sure we don't get hurt.

While I don't know all that much about you, I can tell you're much more mature than the others. Even Ray who is wise, doesn't measure up to your caliber. This kind of maturity usually stems from having a harsh childhood. That, and feeling too many emotions, which I suppose is a bit strange, seeing as you hardly ever express any.

I understand why though. It's not in your nature to be so expressive. Funny, as I walk behind you in this silence, you always leave me to thinking. It's as if, just by your presence, I'm gaining a heightened sense of maturity and understanding. It's as if, by letting me follow you, you're letting me find out all about you on my own.

One day, when I get the chance though, I will ask you more about yourself. There are only so many conclusions I can draw on my own before I hit a wall. I'm pretty sure I won't get more than 10 words out of you at a time, but somehow, those maximum 10 words will explain everything.

If I could ask the others about you, I would. However, every time I do ask about your past, they get a glint of fear in their eyes and tell me it's complicated. I wonder why they don't want to talk about it. Was it something so horrible that they don't wish to speak of it ever again?

I don't know. All this thinking is making me dizzy and confused. You're just like the path we're walking on. A labyrinth, a puzzle, whatever you are, it confuses the hell out of me.

Besides confusion, I feel peace. Yeah, that's a weird combination but walking at night, having time to think clearly, it's like a lot of my thoughts come together and form realizations. The silence we walk in is tranquil and calming. That's something good for I don't know how to put in words how many emotions I feel.

As previously mentioned, I feel confusion and peace. I feel hope that we'll become better friends and I'll get to know you. I feel happiness because in your own way, you're letting me in. I feel betrayed and slightly insulted at the fact that no one wants to tell me about you. I feel angry because I can never ask you, I cannot break the silence surrounding us. But most of all, I feel trust.

You trust me enough to let me follow you at night. In fact, some might even go so far as to say you encourage me to follow. It's almost as if you know my head is full of thoughts, questions, and you want me to be able to figure things out on my own, even though in some way, I suppose you've helped. What you do is kind of like how a parent teaches a child. The parent knows the answer to the child's question, and still, makes it so through thinking; the child will be able to come to the conclusion on its own.

I look up to the moon above us. I know the moon is round and full, yet tonight, you can only see one quarter of it illuminated. That's how I feel you are. There's a whole you, yet you show everyone only one part. The sun gives the light to the moon, so I wonder, are you the same? Can certain people illuminate certain parts of you, making you seem more whole? I think my conclusion is correct and now, I desperately wish I were one of them. I wish I were the sun that could illuminate your moon fully, so that maybe, I could finally see what you are like whole.

I suppose, all in all, I should thank you. Even though it's never a dull or clear day with you around, you've helped me to become a lot more perceptive. Even though it exhausts me in more ways then one to try and follow you, both mentally and physically, it has trained both my mind and body to become quicker, and have a faster processing speed. Thanks to you, I can be more independent, forming conclusions about things and answering questions from a newly acquired wisdom, one I received with help from you.

So, while you do frustrate and complicate me to the point of exhaustion, I thank you for all your help, however strange your methods of teaching may be.


End file.
